The following will appear in the Young Democrats quarterly newsletter just as soon as it is published, but I thought I would let you all get a sneak peak!

So there you are, minding your own business in, say, your works break room, when you overhear a conversation between two of your fellow coworkers and one of them says something that you know is just blatantly wrong…well, you don’t know if they are blatantly wrong, but by damn it sure sounds like they are!

But, oh no! You know that this guy is probably some liberally educated, latte drinking jerk who has probably taken a debate class or two – he is going to cream you for sure when you inevitably have to attack him what he is saying – after all, it is your First Amendment right to state your opinion even when no one asks for it!

Well never fear, I have compiled this short list of do’s and don’ts to ensure that you beat that snot nose every time.

Don’t:

Think about where the other side is coming from – everyone has the exact same background as you.

Do:

Shout as loudly as you possibly can – more observers will be able to hear what you have to say and, naturally, agree.

Don’t:

Concede a single point, even if mounds of evidence can prove you wrong – “facts” are just what people use when they don’t know the truth!

Do:

Bring into question the personal history of the person you are debating with, even if it has nothing to do with the issue at hand – If someone got a speeding ticket eight years ago, they clearly don’t have the moral fortitude to discuss any issue.

Don’t:

Allow your opponent to use this tactic on you – you were young and naïve, and it is absurd to bring up the past when discussing this issue.

Do:

Cite websites, chain email, and those who are paid to say things on television as legitimate sources – it is fact that the people who write and say things have no reason to lie.

Don’t:

Allow your opponent to cite so-called “legitimate” sources such as critically examined books and newspaper articles – Everyone knows that that is just elitist.

Do:

Try to compress your argument into overly simplistic issues – if it can’t fit on a bumper sticker, it probably isn’t short enough to prove your point.

Don’t:

Acknowledge that complex issues may require complex solutions, sometimes over many years – this is America, dammit! We get things done!

Do:

Blame some other group; preferably one that you already think are gross or taking your job – never acknowledge that your way of life may be part of the problem.

And finally…

Don’t:

Gain any sort of perspective or insight over the debate that just took place – continue to stay close minded and pity that pour soul that just lost the debate for thinking the way they do.